Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
