I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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