my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
