So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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