im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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