some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
