We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
