mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
