That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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