Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
