i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
