Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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