Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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