I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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