The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
