they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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