I'd wear matching sweaters with you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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