someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
