I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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