i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
