We won't sleep together?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
