When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
