i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
