You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
