Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
