He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
