I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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