I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
