Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
