oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
