And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
