Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
