Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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