She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
