Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
