Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently you make a good broom.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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