I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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