3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I intend to get homeless drunk
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
