Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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