so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
