I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Green mimosas i think yes
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
