I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
