chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
