There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
