I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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