I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
