Screwed.edu
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
