on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
