Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
