so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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