she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My pussy is not your playground.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
